“A Journey of Love, Courage, and Naturalness”
Since the 36th week of pregnancy, I had daily contractions, sometimes coordinated in the evening, sometimes more as a pressure sensation while walking. After massages, partner exercises (stretching and breathing), or my meditation phases, the contractions intensified, but they were weakened again every morning.
On the weekend before the end of the 40th week of pregnancy, these waves started in the morning, and on Saturday evening, they became so intense for the first time that I had to squeeze my husband’s hand under the table at the family celebration. That reminded me of the contractions during the birth of my first child. I definitely believe that contractions / labor pains are pushed to the back of the brain, otherwise humanity would probably have died out long ago.
But in this case, the contractions did not get stronger, but subsided, with only slight bleeding on Sunday morning. My plan was to push the birth “naturally” forward; I wanted to finally see my baby! The classic prenatal impatience knocked on my door…
We went to the sauna on Friday, Saturday was the family celebration with many culinary delights and nice conversations. On Sunday, we took a two-hour walk with our dog in the forest. For me, this was an important event, as we got married at this place almost exactly a year ago.
I set all my senses on giving birth.
After the long walk, I decided against my previous plan to vacuum the car but instead chose to take a nap. You never know how the night will turn out. Good choice! Because during the evening prime time, I had contractions every two minutes, bearable but coordinated. Shortly before midnight, we went to bed.
Around half past two in the morning, I was awakened by regular pulling in my lower abdomen. First, I rolled out of bed and went to the toilet. Then I cuddled up to my husband again, relaxing my body and mind. Every time a wave came, I breathed gently and held onto his arm tightly. He continued to sleep; I didn’t want to wake him up too early.
This went well for three or four contractions, but I couldn’t lie down any longer. So I prepared everything: lighting candles, dimming the light in the birthing room, starting the “Homebirth Playlist,” and checking if something was missing. At the same time, I sent a message to my mother to let her know that it might be starting but that I would wait for now. It was good that our son had already slept with her – she probably had the right instinct and took him overnight with her on Sunday, despite school time. Knowing that my son was taken care of relaxed me a lot, so I could fully concentrate on giving birth. Until half past four, I moved back and forth between the toilet, the gymnastics ball, and the changing table, circling my pelvis. I examined myself and could barely reach the cervix. Immediately, I worried that the cervix would not open without an epidural, as it did last time, but I dismissed the fear!
After two hours, the contractions became much more intense, and I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I woke up my husband, but told him it would take a while. He was immediately present and started with his final preparations for birth – laying out the tarp and taking care of the dog. Then he massaged me, held me, and encouraged me. He was always relaxed, a real rock, even in the later stages of labor. I loved him even more during labor than I already did.
He radiated so much security and love, oxytocin in abundance!
I quickly checked the heartbeats; everything was fine! The contractions intensified, and we opted for the “water” option for pain relief. When I was in the tub, he massaged my shoulders during the breaks between contractions, and during contractions, he supported my back. I found counter pressure on the sacrum super comfortable.
It was already bright outside, the intervals between contractions were getting longer, and I was worried that it would stall. I didn’t want a latent phase; I wanted it to continue! I quickly examined myself: cervix opened 3 – 4 cm, finally!
Immediately, despite larger intervals, the contractions became more intense; I had to moan now. Now I also wanted to inform the midwife that they could expect “birth” today. We chose her number but consciously avoided the standby phone, in case she was still asleep; I didn’t want to wake her up. It was shortly after seven o’clock. She didn’t answer. We waited a little longer; it became more painful, and I called again – she was probably still asleep. Shortly before eight, I decided to dial the standby number and got her on the phone immediately. Half an hour later, she was there. Perfect, because it got more intense faster than I had expected.
I was out of the tub again, fluctuated between the toilet and hanging on my husband. I didn’t want to talk anymore. I still wanted to unpack the disposable camera and instruct my husband to take a few photos quickly, but I couldn’t manage it anymore. I became increasingly indifferent. Everything around me seemed less important, like the music and the open window. Slowly, I didn’t care anymore and would rather “go home” if I hadn’t already been there ;-).
I told my midwife that she didn’t need to examine me yet; I wanted to give my body time. 10 minutes later, I wanted it! It was so pressing! The cervix was now open 7 cm. Wow, that suddenly went fast! She asked me if she should inform her colleague. I didn’t really know; I didn’t want her to come too early. It was pressing again heavily, and my moaning became significantly louder. I had to be reminded to breathe and not to hold my breath. The colleague was informed.
After standing for a long time, my midwife suggested the side position. I didn’t want to lie down, knowing that it would press harder, but I allowed it. I was right – it pressed soooo terribly that I had to cry. My midwife found exactly the right words, and more tears rolled down my cheeks.
Now my soul began to give birth as well.
Symbolically, I took my child’s hand, and we walked the path together. It made me sad that the pregnancy would soon be over. I was scared. I didn’t want to go on anymore. It was very difficult for me to let go.
With every tear drop, I could let go more easily, and the contractions became stronger.
By now, the second colleague had also arrived. We joked because I really wanted to be done before noon. I wouldn’t last any longer, plus I was hungry. I had no idea what time it was, anyway, something before twelve o’clock, and no one told me the time.
The clock should not play a big role during childbirth.
I switched to the hands and knees position in front of the sofa, leaned against my husband, just as I had wished and practiced in preparation.
Then I examined myself again: cervix completely open, except for a small rim. I felt the little head slide deeper with the contraction. Oh God, now I really didn’t want to anymore!
But the primal instinct controlled my body and didn’t allow the worries of the mind.
With the force of the contraction, the baby slipped into my hand. When the little head was born, the baby wiggled, and the movement felt very uncomfortable. My midwife reminded me that the shoulders were still adjusting, and with the next contraction, she was there — our daughter Violetta – 10:11 a.m.
Conceived and born in deep love, rooted with courage and strength in the arms of her parents. Violetta saw the light of the world in her cozy home. No words can describe how enriching this birth was for us!